I had told all of you I am not well, and now I am ready to reveal it...
On December 15th I was diagnosed with Diabetes....I first started with meds, which made me really ill, now I am on insulin....
My sugar readings were almost 30 and average is 7.8, the Doc says I am lucky I did not go into a Diabetic coma...I had been feeling so incredibly tired, a heavy feeling, I thought it was becasue I am a Mom and Moms get tired, but little did I know my body was going through something bad....
Now I am calling everyday to my Doc with Readings, which means I am a pin cushion, and taking insulin in my stomach, which now looks like a polka dotted thing of bruises....you know I just love purple and blue, they are my colors *sarcasm*...
My readings are not down to normal yet, it is going to take a while to get them to a healthy level, in the meantime I am managing, I had alot of anger at first, because I am the one people depend on in my family, and I am not suppose to be ill....but I am still angry but not as much...
I also refrained from telling people because alot of people think they have Ph.D's and want to help when most of the time they are an annoyance and a hindrance, I had Gestational when pregnant twice, I have taken insulin before I know what to do and of not I have a Doc and a Diabetic Educator that I am seeing now.....
Now you may not think Diabetes is anything serious, I have had those people around me before, well this is serious especially right now as I am not steady on a good sugar level, my kidneys, liver, and other things are at risk and I need to get it together or Dialysis could be my future or much worse, before my vision was becoming blurry and I did not understand why because I wear glasses, but it was because my sugar levels were so high.......
I feel alone going through this, alot of my closest friends are scattered around the world, and Jayson is going through his own stuff and needn't hear my worries, because fact is I am terrified, and in alot of inward desperation to get my sugar levels down, I want to live a long healthy life, and see my grand babies, and be one of those old women with lots of wrinkles from laughing alot through life, and I have alot to do yet, I am not saying this is a terminal thing, 'cause I know it is not, but it could shave years off my life if not taken seriously....
Aphra has a blog about her dreams, and I read it alot, and last night I had a dream/sorta nightmare, about my parents, and in that dream they at one point yelled at me telling me no one would show up or go to my funeral, that is how alone I am......that part of the dream has stuck with me all morning since I got up.......makes me think.......
Jay has not been well either....feel bad or my kids at times, 'cause they have to watch all this, but as long as I love them I know they will turn out alright.......it is so hard to watch my husband, my love of my life deteriorate, breaks my heart, I sometimes get so worried, like what if I were to loose him, what would I do then? would I be alone? could I ever love again? I really do not think so...........
Anyway, although all this crap is going on, I am happy, content with my life and my family, please know that...
I miss all of you scattered around the world, and my prayers are with you every minute......
"In my Father's House there was Sanctuary, and when it would rain the world, love would keep us dry, when it rained it poured, love was our umbrella, in my Father's House..."
