The Dream that Makes me Ponder...

I often have this dream...

I am in the shower and I begin to feel light headed, I ignore it at first because I am always tired etc......
I continue the shower ritual and then time seems to go in slow motion, my breathing slows and my eyes roll back in my head and I start falling forward....A loud 'clunk' is heard, which is my head hitting the tub, and I am there in that moment, head down, water running over me, I'm dying, I can see blood going down the drain, my eyes flutter a few times, I can feel myself going numb, and it goes black, sounds of the water running fade, and then I wake up.........

Creepy, I know...But I have had it more than once...

No one like death, and no one ever discuses it, it is the Elephant in the room, people avoid it, and I do not blame them at all......But it is reality from the point of birth death will come in the future, however far that is, well only the Lord knows when he will call us home.....

I watched Jay's Mom slowly die from Lung/Brain Cancer....4 years fighting it, it was a learning experience for me, it was my first time being that close....

I remember the look in her eyes the last time I saw her, full of desperation and fear, and the woman that once was so strong and the type of woman that you would think could scare death, she was so weak, and quiet never speaking of her fear or allowing her desperation out.......

I remember feeling odd sitting with her alone in those last days I saw her alive, I was so scared she would go into cardiac arrest or something, I was so worried that every morning we would be walking into the room to say good morning to find her dead.....

But I wasn't there when the Lord took her, Jayson was, her sister was, and her Best friend......

Jayson was so strong, stronger than most people would imagine, but I think the factor in Jayson that separates him from those people is his faith......He knew God was present, he never gave up on showing his Mom as she lay there those last few days unable to speak and see, he fed her the word of God to nourish her soul, and it paid off, Jayson received confirmation that the Lord was indeed present and carried her home.....(I will let Jayson tell you the story in full details because it is so powerful and intimate for him)........

I use to be very afraid of death, not so much anymore, I think I am more afraid of leaving my children behind, and making sure people will be around them to love them up, and that they may forget me.....But at the same time I know they will be in God's hands, what better hands for them huh?.....

Death is not the end......Just a moment, and then I will forever and a eternity be with the Father in Heaven.........

So now when I have that dream, and no I do not call it a nightmare, because it does not scare me, it now acts as a reminder that we need to face our fears, walk in faith, and allow God to be present always....

I have a busy day today, groceries and Doc Appointment for Raphael, let's see how much he has grown!


Gotta Go now and have a shower ---- Ah! LOL!