I am in a Weird Mood be Forewarned !
Today after Church we had 2 special unexpected guests, my best friends
Brian and Kaleena
(they are married)...
The visit only lasted like 15 minutes but it was a bittersweet time because Aug 8th they head out to Alberta where Kaleena has gotten this awesome job....
So the bittersweet part was that it was our last time seeing them for a long time...
I am just so sick of people leaving me!
(please all my pals who read this and are going to leave me do not take offense I need to get this out...)
Jayson and I always are the ones saying goodbye, we're here in the Kingston Hole!
(I apologize for the term but I am sure you guys understand)
My eyes are full of tears and my heart hurts....All my life growing up I wanted close friends, friends that are more like family and now for a second time mind you,
I have them and they are all about to fly away on me....
Ya we only saw Kaleena and Brian once and a while but they are like second parents to my kids, I mean they are their guardians if Jay and I die, we went to school together, and my intensity and Kaleena's are similar therefore a commonality and someone who gets that you know....
Erika is in England already and when she comes back she will be gone again to school...
Jo well we all know where she is going....I fully support her going, but I would be lying if I said I would not be sad and ya....
Matt and Tamara (a married couple in ministry) are in India 10 months out of the year and we see them once a year and that is all....
The last time this happened 2 years ago, something bad happened,
and it there was alot of growing pains that took place......
It was my year of the Phoenix that year, so am I going to burn up and rise again?
I haven't even seen Tricia (like my little sister) in about a year, and I feel bad cause I actually avoid talking to her because it hurts so bad that she is not around....what a great big sister I am!
I am angry, angry at myself, angry at stuff, and I am so sad, so sad in fact that at times I just don't speak because I am also so happy for all these people that they are doing what God will's them to do,
I just wish it did not hurt so much....
Today I heard Kaleena telling Elijah very quietly "now I want you to be a good boy, and since Uncle Brian and I will not be here I need you to take care of your mommy and daddy ok, can you do that?"
My eyes welled up with tears at that point and I held them back until they left but it was so hard, I found myself thinking about the last day I see Jo and how it will be so damn
hard to hold back those giant tears.......
I have a wonderful life I know it must sound like I have a crappy one, but I am happy, but it is just hard, I use to be so afraid of opening up to people with that fear of getting hurt you know....
I am trying not to get angry with God, I have that feeling in my gut like something big is about to happen, not necessarily like before, but something to make me transform,
and I am afraid of it,
without rejecting it at the same time you know...
I know I will be ok, it will suck but I will be ok....
I survive things you know, or actually I use to survive things, now I am learning to live....
just live...
Here is 2 of my Favorite Songs from when I was a Teenager...
Today after Church we had 2 special unexpected guests, my best friends
Brian and Kaleena
(they are married)...
The visit only lasted like 15 minutes but it was a bittersweet time because Aug 8th they head out to Alberta where Kaleena has gotten this awesome job....
So the bittersweet part was that it was our last time seeing them for a long time...
I am just so sick of people leaving me!
(please all my pals who read this and are going to leave me do not take offense I need to get this out...)
Jayson and I always are the ones saying goodbye, we're here in the Kingston Hole!
(I apologize for the term but I am sure you guys understand)
My eyes are full of tears and my heart hurts....All my life growing up I wanted close friends, friends that are more like family and now for a second time mind you,
I have them and they are all about to fly away on me....
Ya we only saw Kaleena and Brian once and a while but they are like second parents to my kids, I mean they are their guardians if Jay and I die, we went to school together, and my intensity and Kaleena's are similar therefore a commonality and someone who gets that you know....
Erika is in England already and when she comes back she will be gone again to school...
Jo well we all know where she is going....I fully support her going, but I would be lying if I said I would not be sad and ya....
Matt and Tamara (a married couple in ministry) are in India 10 months out of the year and we see them once a year and that is all....
The last time this happened 2 years ago, something bad happened,
and it there was alot of growing pains that took place......
It was my year of the Phoenix that year, so am I going to burn up and rise again?
I haven't even seen Tricia (like my little sister) in about a year, and I feel bad cause I actually avoid talking to her because it hurts so bad that she is not around....what a great big sister I am!
I am angry, angry at myself, angry at stuff, and I am so sad, so sad in fact that at times I just don't speak because I am also so happy for all these people that they are doing what God will's them to do,
I just wish it did not hurt so much....
Today I heard Kaleena telling Elijah very quietly "now I want you to be a good boy, and since Uncle Brian and I will not be here I need you to take care of your mommy and daddy ok, can you do that?"
My eyes welled up with tears at that point and I held them back until they left but it was so hard, I found myself thinking about the last day I see Jo and how it will be so damn
hard to hold back those giant tears.......
I have a wonderful life I know it must sound like I have a crappy one, but I am happy, but it is just hard, I use to be so afraid of opening up to people with that fear of getting hurt you know....
I am trying not to get angry with God, I have that feeling in my gut like something big is about to happen, not necessarily like before, but something to make me transform,
and I am afraid of it,
without rejecting it at the same time you know...
I know I will be ok, it will suck but I will be ok....
I survive things you know, or actually I use to survive things, now I am learning to live....
just live...
Here is 2 of my Favorite Songs from when I was a Teenager...
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