Time after Time...

"lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion
is nothing new
flashback warm nights
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after..."

This song has always got to me, it carried me through those pre-adolescent years, and adolescent years, those awkward moments, getting to know that secular world.......

All those times in my little 10' by 20' bedroom, my little cave in which I would hide and sing these songs, identifying with those people and the hurt that caused such poems and lyrics.....

I was a teen in the '90's....'80's music was part of my coping mechanism....

This song was almost like a monthly anthem in my bedroom....

I lied to myself alot back then, about what was really real and what I wanted it to be...

I wanted real men to find me desirable, but looking back I laugh because where I was going to High School they were all just little boys trying to find themselves just like I was, I often found myself looking for my self-worth in others....Never did find it.....

But now in the present I only look for my self-worth in one place and I look up, and look to God for that, just him no one else...I was utterly fooling myself looking in everyone else but him......

Well at least not back then, back when I was wearing spandex shorts and a retro top and thought I knew everything, thing was it was all an act, because I knew nothing, and sometimes I still do not have a clue......

I am not sure if I will ever get it totally, I mean the clock is still going to tick without me, or whether I want it to or not.....

I wonder what I would or could possibly say to my younger adolescent self, I mean really given the chance perhaps I would not say anything, I mean that path led me here, pain or no pain it led me here, perhaps I would just tell her to be patient, and give it time...