Someone told me recently that I was talking in code in my blog, and I am here to announce that is the point! That is how this girl writes at times where she wants to reveal she is upset/happy etc without really actually coming out and saying it..........
Probably not a good way of releasing ones emotions properly, but it is who I am at times...
Today I woke up with another one of those black clouds over me, I am content with my life, love my family to no end, but that cloud can linger at times and I am fed up....
God can heal in an instant, and he can also heal you over time, I believe he s healing me over time...
I often beat myself up alot, not physically lol, but mentally, I see my destination, where I want to be, past all the hurt and pain, and yet I can not get there fast enough, that is where utter patience comes in, and at times I lack patience big time....trying desperately not to allow my past to dictate my present day to day life, but it is hard, and yet many people claim it to be easy, I say it is easier said than done!
There are times where the cloud has no affect on me:
-when I am singing, which I no longer do in public
-when I am playing with my kids
-when I am with friends
-when I am at church and worshiping God
-when I am busy basically
So, hmm it only really has an affect when I am doing nothing, therefore should I keep busy always?
I also tend to hold a mask in front of my face not allowing anyone to really know how I am really...
Bad trait I know LOL!
My way of thinking is my friends don't need to have a sad Kelly all the time and they don't need to hear my dumping per say.....so when they ask how I am I fake a smile and say "I'm alive" they laugh and then look concerned and I say "no really I am good!" and that is that no more questions therefore no need to dig up my feelings and force myself to feel them......
I am clever I know....
Truth is I know I will be okay, I always am, the cloud will dissipate, the Sun will shine and the Water will Run Dry...
1 comment:
I write in code on my blog too. Not all the time. But I figure people who just glance over it, won't notice it. But people who are reading deep might get it.
I get a lot of your code, I think but my comments may not always reflect this as I am sometimes trying to make you laugh :)
My work is having some major issues but I can't write about them on my blog as an affected person reads my blog. But it is just crazy and there is so much craziness I am having a hard time seeing what God is doing (or trying to do)
I am currently wading through pages and pages of computer code. I've been here since 7. It's 9 now and my eyes are going buggy. Hope you have a good day!
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