99 Balloons

50th Post!

Well, things have been busy around here, this past weekend I had a small intimate gathering for Jayson's 30th Birthday (his birthday is not until Friday however) and we had our friend Cathleen from Manitoba here as well, it was a furfilling weekend. Tomorrow I am having Jayson's Grandmother over for snacks and a yummy chocolate dessert, Friday me and the boys will do something for Daddy and then this coming weekend our friend Julie from Windsor is coming for a visit......

Monday is my 27th Birthday, and I think by the time I get to it I will be exhausted, I am not looking forward to my birthday this year, not one bit none of my close friends are around, those who are around have been way to busy/ill/or any other excuse not to be around me, I understand illness, but I also understand my guts feelings on how people are around me and I have been getting a feeling that a few of them just do not want to be around me, and that is ok, too bad so sad for them, I am not going to chase people down to hang out with me, no way! They should want to be near me, want to hang out, and want to make the effort to call me atleast, sometimes I think some people have forgotten to use the phone....

Anyway, I have made all these lovely plans for my husband, lovely surprising gifts, and yet no plans for me, at all.....typical life of mine, so predictable.....

Anyway, that's life, well atleast mine!

Tra La!

"I Just Called to Say I Love you...."

Last night I received a call from a dear friend, Kaleena, her and her husband Brian are Legal Guardians and Godparents of my Kids, they had moved out west in August where Kaleena received a job at a school, we had not heard word from them, and after I e-mailed a couple of times I began to fret about them.......

Well, she called and they are fine, it was just the house was not ready yet and they had been living out a hotel room and had no phone until a few days ago....

So she had been working late the last couple of days, but last night when she got home she called, just to let us know they were ok and that they miss us and miss the boys, and I held back tears as she spoke because she went out of her way just to say she loved us, to call and check in and see how we were doing, just to SEE how WE were DOING! It really touched me, all the feelings of why they are our good friends and God Parents to our kids came flooding over me, it made me miss them so much more........

I just was nice for once for someone to call and ask us how we were and to just love us up....

I feel like my heart has been split up and scattered around the world, literally all of my close friends are scattered, and I always say they take a piece of my heart with them and they carry me with them in their travels, so therefore my heart is split up a bit.......

Jay and I are holding down the fort until some of them return for good or just to visit, but all in all we are here holding it down, praying for them, loving them from oceans apart.....

Slow Me Down

My eyes are blurry....
Sweat drips from my head...
Tears mix in...
Pain is my state...
The ache is strong...
Head is Spinning...
I feel it boiling up...
Save me~
Surface is reached...
Anger, pain,sadness all...
It all stings as it boils over...
It is fed through and out to my fist...
I try to hang on...
Fingers bloody from grasping...
Save me~
Hard to swallow...
It is all chaotic...
My eyes are shut...
But I still see...
No sweet escape...
Not sure of worth anymore...
Seasons change...
Even my pain has seasons...
Clock ticking...
Save me~
Tired, yet I have slept...
All has become a blur...
Colors swirling all around me...
Hands shaking...
Pulse Racing...
The impending is coming...
I just might disapear...

Cha Cha CHANGES!!!

Before Shots

Elijah-John

Raphael

The boys get their hair cut tomorrow,
it will be Raphael's First!
Stay Tuned!

Seperate Ways

This is how I feel this Morning...

Disgusted!

Last night I went to the Movies with Katherine as it will be our last time seeing each other for 6 months or so....

We saw "My Best Friends Girl" ----Not good at all! Crude and Just Wrong!

Anyway, before the Movie started there are previews right, so we are sitting there watching away and a preview starts, the song "Be thou my Vision" is starting, and al you see is black screen and far away a head of a man sleeping, and the song plays on, the square moves closer and closer, and I whisper to Katherine, "wow Hollywood is changing, a decent movie is coming out", and then Wrong I was so Wrong, a sharp sound affect and the box the man's head is in lights up his eyes open and chop goes the head, decapitated, that is when Katherine and I closed our eyes in horror, I was brave and looked up to see what the movie was and it was for SAW 4, coming out on Halloween...

I was throughly disgusted and appalled, how blasphemous! I wanted to cry so much, how dare they take a song that speaks of God and his love and turn it and twist it so!

And during the beginning of that as the song started they would put phrases up that spoke and led you to believe that they were talking about God...

I was miffed, and quite emotional about it......

Let me know how you feel?