He has not e-mailed me in almost 2 weeks...

I am on this Quest for closure and healing...so why do I feel so sad all the time lately?

How come tears are just behind my eyes waiting?

Is it possible to feel this much pain and come out the other side of things in one piece?

How come it feels like I am basing what he is and she is on who I am?

I should know who I am? right?


Feelings I have currently:

-paranoia
-depression
-sadness
-weepiness
-insecure
-anger
-confusion

Feelings I hate in life:

-all of the above!

He did say he was going away.....I don't know anymore about anything...

It is one of the times in my life I am leaning 100% on God and going with his leading only, cause I am walking blindly...

Plus people and things are changing around me....I hate change, I resist it at all costs, I like being in my comfort zone...I am afraid that some of my best friends will change and it will be too different and scary for me...I hate feeling this way...but I know change must and will happen with or without me...

I miss all my friends whoa re abroad, Jo, Kaleena, Erika, Katherine, Tamara and Matt, even Tricia LOL!....

I am feeling really alone alot lately, I can be in a room full of people and feel like no one is there...

Weird huh...well it is my current reality...

If I did not have God not to mention my boys and Jay I would not be here right now, and that is 100% truth...

Feeling suffocated by the pain at the moment...