My heart is literally breaking everyday...

Ever since that man contacted me, claiming to be my long lost Father...

He is letting his fear stop him right now, and my impatience is growing larger everyday...

I traced his IP to Alberta, and if I had the money I would go there and search him out...

But I don't...

For a man who said he wanted me so much, he lacks that now, and I am feeling still like that little girl sitting on her porch wondering if he is a good man really and going to come save me from Hell, the Hell I grew up in...

How can I stand here (well sit lol) and let this all define me, or make me feel this way?

I went almost 30 years without him, what does it matter to me now?

How can he shut me out even after I tell him he has Grandsons?

Or maybe I was that awful mistake years ago, and he now has the picture perfect family he always wanted.......

I really do not know what to think anymore...

I don't know...