Flashes of Lightning, Rolls of Thunder.

What do you see when you look at this picture?

The Girl in this picture wore this look on her face alot growing up...

Her parents bought her lots of toys thinking it would say the words their mouths could not...

And those words they would never truly feel...

Was this kid a brat? I mean they bought her things she should smile in the picture! or should she?

At a very young age this little girl learned to numb herself from everything, she knew nothing but pain, and feelings of unworthiness...

She would never feel safe growing up, fear would become her best friend.......

She only wanted to feel love, real love, she wanted to feel safe, and worthy...

Do you see her scars?

She will carry many, both inflicted and given to her...

But after 19 years of hell, she finally met someone that loved her for her and made her feel safe....

January 24th, 2001....She became a Christian...And she has a new outlook on life...

And this is her/my story:

I have made a realization that I was indeed raised by a pack of wolves. Not you’re average K9 kind, the ones out for blood, the ones full of hate, and the ones out to wash the darkness of fear amongst all and any they could taint.

I may have been raised by a pack of wolves but did that define me? Does it define me now? I was diluted to think it did for many years, and the secret, the truth that I was really indeed a sheep of the great shepherd was kept from me. The light was the one thing that caused the pack to be afraid, and the great shepherd was indeed the light they were afraid of.

When your raised to know only darkness, and only to know only a certain way of life, that the hunt, to prey on the innocent, you know no different, you know of no other way. It wasn’t until the pack put me through my rite of passage that I had a glimpse of beauty and I began to question the ways that had been ingrained into me for many years.

I had always been different amongst the other wolves, never actually intending to hunt, never wanting to see them finish off their victims, never wanting to hate. I tried to hide my indifference, but after they had sent me out for my rite of passage in the world, they could smell the indifference and it was only a matter of time before they would discover me and turn on me.

To finally see the truth, to see who I was actually, to meet other sheep who wanted and desired the same freedom I did, was the most scariest and the most exciting time. But fear played into my delay of fully breaking free from the pack. The pack would not let me part from them so easily, or painlessly.

I was learning that the term the good shepherd used “cup of suffering”, and that my act of drinking from it meant so much more than I had realized, although I was fully committed and serious about it. The good shepherd never said it would be easy to be a sheep in his flock. In fact he told me that even afterwards the wolves would always hunt us, but his light would always envelope us and we would never be forsaken by him. He assured me even when the pain seemed too much, and when the keening took over he would be there next to me, I would never be alone. He told me from such pain he would turn into such strength in me.

It was a painful day, on that day; they tried to rip me to pieces as I parted from them. Tears flowed down my face, blood was washed over my body, open wounds decorated my appearance, but I parted from the pack just the same, all that keep my mind off the pain was the good shepherds enduring promise. As I lay at the foot of the green pasture the shepherd approached me, he lifted my broken body and carried me into the middle of the flock. He held me, for to me seemed like an eternity, he let me cry, he let me scream, the keening did take over at times, but he never left me, nor did the flock. After he took his robe and placed it over my body and I slept in his arms and when I awoke, the blood, and the tears were all gone. I had been washed clean. He had kept his promise. He had not left me, the flock was still all around me, and now I was one of them, I was who I was meant to be. I had been a lost sheep astray from the good shepherd and now I had come home.

Blessings.