Went for my eye appointment yesterday, not your regular one either, it was to see if my Diabetes has affected my eyes at all, and it has not...BUT...

They told my my right eye is very bad, so bad in fact, I am only actually seeing with my left eye, and I am at huge risk to loose my sight all together in my right eye, and after that blindness in my left is at risk as well...not very encouraging words...They recommended that I go to my eye doctor(regular one) and get examined and get stronger glasses, and at all costs protect my right eye...

Here is the clincher...

I had glasses as a kid, and then my Mom told me I did not need them anymore, the doctor said that as a child I should have a patch on my good eye(as I have had this a long time) to strengthen my bad eye, and that in fact I needed glasses those years my Mother decided I did not need them, he said and I quote "sounds like neglectful parenting"...and I confirmed to him that indeed alot of things growing up were like that...I was angry, but held it in as my eyes dialated and all and Elijah and Raphael were present after I was done, I did not want them to see my true feelings in that moment, besides they were a bit of a blur...

I am trying to not be angry at God...

Does that make sense?

I mean Diabetes, then my back and neck start up and MRI here I come next month, and now my eyes...ugh...I am so tired of it all, and no one really gets how fed up I am, and I really do not think anyone wants to hear about it either, but this blog is all I have to out it all from my system...

Someone the other day was like 'oh well Joanna will be home to talk to you soon' and I wanted to punch that person, I love Jo, but she is coming home to get married here and ya not to hear me (sorry Jo, you know how I am) and in all fairness I am a grown woman who can face things on her own too, everyone seems to think I need Jo to function, and that is not the case, she is my best friend ya, and we can talk ya, and she is real, but she is not always my answer, God is my number one answer, always.....I just wish sometimes my path did not always seem so lonely...

I mean I am freaking out right now, losing even just sight in my one eye is freaking me out, maybe not big to anyone, but it is to me, I am only 27 years old, and the mere thought of losing my sight all together scares me, to never see my kids sweet faces, Elijah's bobcat smile, the light in his eyes, Raphael's little devilish grin, and his cute face he makes when he is pretending to be a doggie, and even Jay's eye's rolling at me for me being weird...

I just need prayer...and peace...

Going to a party later today, a friend of mine is throwing just on the out skirts of town, it is to celebrate Mom's, loads of food etc, it should be fun, I am making something for it LOL...

Thanks for listening to another one of my rambles...

Blessings.