100th!!!

Boy oh Boy I did it, 100 Posts!

Lately my life has been full of revelations, and complete honesty...

It has been almost too overwhelming at times to experience my current transformation, and also it excites me, and yes it all also makes me afraid of losing my sense of self? But then I ask myself, was that really me to begin with?

The Song 'You Found Me' by The Fray has become one of my favorites, I listen to it often, and yes right now as I type this...

The first line I love:

'I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad...'

When I hear that song, I want to cry, and smile all at the same time...

When I was 24 something really horrible happened to me, and since then in 3 years I have come 1000 x a 1000 miles from who I once was....

But it hasn't all been flying high at the top of the mountain type moments either, when God remolds the clay, he has to reshape it, add water, and it is painful and exciting, and in my opinion so worth it...

I now know what the term 'growing pains' means...

This month God brought back everyone who had ventured off into the world, I hadn't seen some of them in over a year or more, and I felt overwhelmed with joy, and immediately with sorrow, because I knew they would all be leaving again...but this time bitterness stayed away, tears were not in high precipitation, and the bonds felt so warm and true when they left...and I was so thankful, instead of feeling sorry for myself and being sad to be all alone again...

God is so good to me...

99th Post!

Future Album or Novel Cover?

Either Way, he is very photogenic!

My Cutie...

I am so mad at you...so MAD!...

You don't even read this but I need to get this out of my core before it rots me from the inside out!

How can you possibly keep flaking out on him?

On that precious face?

You have no clue do you?

The impact this has on him, and for me the Mother watching his disapointed face?

At the love he still carries for you.....even after all the numerous times he thinks you still hang the Moon...

I do this here because I even though you so not deserve my restraint, I do not want to hurt you, but you are passing out the hurt like it is the latest trend...

You have tunnel vision, Money Money Money!!!

You you YOU!

You have become predictable, I can almost call the exact minute when you will call to cancel...

I do not want to feel this....this anger...

I do not ask much, just that you do what you say your going to do!

Be there if you say your going to be there.....

And I am so incredibly sick and tired of people making excuses for you!

You do not deserve his LOVE...not at all...but he gives it, even though time after time you let HIM down!

I wanted to yell at you, and if in person I think I would of wanted to hit you...

And you think buying things for him makes it better???

It doesn't...he just wants you...

That is too much for you, because it does not help you to be more successful in your business...

What will it take for you to finally see how selfish you are?

My prayer for you is that in the future, when you have a family, you do not do this to them, because you will miss out like you are missing out right now!

And when you realize it, it will be too late, but atleast your money and your career will be there for you!

UGH!

Creepy Weird Day

Okay I got up around 7am...

Main thing on the list was Laundry...

My Laundry room opens at 8am, I arrived there with Elijah at 8:05am...

We have 5 machines down there, I used the first two to the left, no one else was down there at all...

Promptly about 26-28 minutes later I went down to put my clothes in the dryer, this time I had both boys...

I opened the door and there is three garbage bags of clothes on the floor, and my one washer was open...

No one tampered with my stuff but just opened it I guess cause I was a minute or two late to get it out after it finished, no one was down there except us...

I put my loads in the dryers and then had to run Elijah to his Bus Stop with Raphael on hip...

By the time I was done waiting for the bus etc, and i had to run up to my apartment etc it was time to go back down with Raphael and get my clothes from the dryer...

I arrive again, bags still on floor and no one there, and no one using any machines...

I am getting my clothes out and a woman comes in and gets right in my face...

She claimed that I stole her one washer that apparently she had already put money in and soap and bleach etc, which is impossible as I was there when the place was just opened, and I had been in there a few times and no one else was in there and when I first put my clothes in I always check the washers, and I had colors so if there had of been bleach it would of affected my clothes...

So I got Christianity blunt with her (like my term LOL, pretty much meaning stern yet kind), I explained what was what and I was not the culprit, and in my head I am thinking this woman is nuts because it is impossible for what she said to of happened to happen the way she said it did...

Then she started to cry and that was my cue to get Raphael and my unfolded clothing and leave, she said that 'don't worry I won't mention your name when I talk to the Super', and I was in my head mind you saying 'well I had nothing to do with it, and your nuts, and go ahead tell him my name, I would never do that to someone ever, and I will deal with him if he comes a knockin'...

After that nothing happened, he probably knows how she is, but that was my first confrontation with anyone here in this building...

Then it gets better, I went to bed about 9pm and around 1am Jayson comes and gets me saying he needs my help...I automatically think oh no Elijah or someone, and come out to the Living Room and here a man yelling through the walls for help, saying 'help help me, I am in 408 help, I can not get to my wheelchair help,'...

This voice sounded creepy, and this man had just moved in June 1st, and I had not known he had moved in yet, Jay was awoken by the voice and was concerned but cautious, I immediately felt inside that this was genuine and we needed to help, I immediately called my Super, he understood (I hate calling anyone at 1am LOL) and we went into the Hall, I just left my kids LOL, and I was wearing my night gown and my jeans, what a sight, and some one had gotten in because the man left the door unlocked, and she helped him, an ambulance came etc and I guess the guy was ok just is disabled and his chair got a way from him...I did not know the door was open, thus the reason for my calling my Super, or I would of ventured cautiously in to help, of course having Jay with me...

So I know it is alot to read but that was my creepy day...

In between all that at 3:45pm Elijah and I met with the Principal of Lord Strathcona Public School, and Mrs. Taggart his teacher he will have in the Fall, and registered him, it was exciting, they asked me to tell them teh essence fo Elijah and well most of you know there is alot to tell, and I am a talker, Elijah loved it there and did not want to go home, but I told him we will retun again to play in the yard there in the Summer and we are going to a Welcome thing on the 22nd so....Yay! I really like the school, and he will be bused, and Elijah said and I quote 'I am really mecited to come here next year' so that made my day, even though in amongst the craziness!

I told Elijah this morning 'only two sleeps until you get to see Auntie Jo Jo' and he ran up to me and hugged me and looked up and sai 'really! oh thank you Mommy', like I had been keeping ehr from him LOL! he has been asking about ehr alot lately and wanting to drive his bike over the ocean so I can tell Saturnday he is going to be squeezing her very tightly!

Okay this is a long one, sorry....

2 Sleeps until I sing AH! Tomorrow I have a band practice ughhh my nerves, pray please!