I have never felt more awake in my life than I do this year so far...

2010 is definitely my year for alot of things, including clarity...

My "Bio Dad" has dissapeared now and it seems that well is dry now, but at a point where I should find myself utterly upset about it, I am surprisingly calm, and my heart and mind are clearer than they have ever been before...

I am not even sure if it was him 100%, but I was really awoken to the thought that I was allowing my entire past, the abandonment, everything define who I was today...

This may not be the freedom, closure I wanted in the beginning, but it is a pretty sweet deal...

I set out this year with 'goals' I do not buy into the New Year's Resolution stuff, but I set some goals, and I am keeping alot of them...

One in particular is that I write hand written letter to my friends all over the world, and I have enjoyed that time at night after the boys go to bed where I can loose myself with the pen and paper and just write down all my thoughts...

I am also letting my hair grow long, and though at times I just want to get it all cut off because it is at the akward stage, I resist and use my Straight iron and smiles are back, I even had joy the other day because I have a baby pony tail starting!!! LOL!

I am nto use to keeping promises to myself, other people yes, but not to myself at all!

I am also reading books! Yes I read ha ha ha!

I use to say all the time, oh I don't have time for these things because I have kids, but that now I see was alot of BS! You can have a healthy balance, and God does want us to keep promises even to ourselves...

I am even going to dinner and a movie tonight with one of my best gal pals April without the boys! Shocking I know!

The biggest promise I think I have made and is the most renewing of all so far is Allowing the love people have for me to actually sink in, you know? It was always hard to accept people caring for me and loving me, because for years I was deprived and had to beg for such love, and now when it is in great supply I am actually allowing myself to receive it, and all the Blessings that come with it...

My biggest downfall before was not feeling like I could ask for help, and now it is still at times hard, but God has really brought people in my life that I can truly count on, whether they be here or afar at the moment!

God is Good...