Passion

One of my coping mechanisms is music, singing....

For as long as I can remember anytime I was sad or depressed or even ok music was there, I was there, many nights spent in my 10 by 15 jail cell (my childhood room) and I would sit next to my stereo and sing any song that would play...

It served as a coping tool and a distraction tool, I mean I can remember one of my Barbie doll looking step-sisters telling me when I was little that I couldn't sing because I could never memorize the words, well after she told me that I memorized everything and joined the Church Choir, which consisted of me young and the rest over 65!

When I sing it brings me such joy, but I suppose the downfall from 'coping' with music through hard times especially is when I hear those songs now...it triggers the memories of those intense emotions I was feeling during that time....

I spent alot of time avoiding those songs, but now my outlook has changed, I embrace them, they are apart of me, and remind me what I cam from and how strong I am now...

Music is still a tool for me, I am very passionate about music, and singing well I have had a block up for a while, I use to sing in public in front of people but that darn block, you know...

I was in a Church Group called Daystar where I was the oldest for a change, and it was good, but I felt like the only passionate one there, when I sing I give it everything no hold backs.....Especially when worshiping God, what a release that can be to just surrender to him and be singing out Praise....

I am not writing all of this to tell that sop story about my horrible childhood, but you have to understand that I spent alot of my time trying to hide that part of me from people, so no one ever really knew me.....

I am just now seeing things so clearly...and just now being delivered from it from God...

Healing doesn't always happen overnight, it can but not in my case...I got 24 years to work through and sort out........I am 26, your wondering what does she mean 24? Well something happened 2 years ago, something that changed my world, and I leapt in faith, and that is a whole 'nother post!

What are your passions in life? What are your coping tools?