"Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me....."

I feel like I am drowning today, my emotions are such that it is as if a hand has reached up and taken hold of my neck and I feel like I am suffocating....Tears want to come, but my eyes stay dry, I want to snap out of this but I can't....I am sinking today and there is nothing I can do to stop it, it is almost like I have stopped caring, like I am accepting the drowning, the suffocating, the helplessness...

I have heard stories about people who have almost drowned to death, that there is a pivotal moment when you just give up fighting to reach the top and you accept your fate, and you almost welcome it....

Is that me?

I don't know, but all I know is today is not a good day for me...

Feeling oppressed today...

Oppressed

adjective

burdened psychologically or mentally; "laden with grief"; "oppressed by a sense of failure.

"Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars..."

The week behind me still lurks over my head, an unwanting to remember, it was pure horrid and I wish I could go into my past with a big fat eraser and erase some things...

Okay it wasn't that bad, but there were bad elements...

Last Sunday I awoke at 4:30am with the shakes, and felt like an ice cube, then all bodily functions were cranked and on for the bigger part of the day, I had a fever, my eyes were watery all day, I felt so achy, and I thought I was dying....Well good news I am alive and well ha ha ha...

Around noon that day bodily functions stopped, I was weak the rest of the day, and only had peppermint tea the whole day...not so great for a diabetic..but I am okay, it took me a good couple of days though to really feel 100%, but I am back with a vengeance, okay maybe not a vengeance but I'm back LOL!

The rest of the week was bah!

My goal this week is for it to be better than last LOL!

I am officially addicted to the song "Different Kind of Free" by ZOEgirl!!!
It is almost tribal to me, the drums are utterly amazing, and I can feel it in my heart, my kids love dancing to it, as I play it alot!

I am missing alot of my friends who are abroad lately, but that's life, and I just got to remember that wherever they are they carry apart of me with them and I them...

I have been especially missing Kaleena lately, she is quirky and has a way of when she is around me making me forget all the serious things happening to me, she reminds me to have fun and laugh! She is in Alberta now with her husband Brian, she is working as a teacher there...still I miss the good ol' days...

Anyway I am out, remember Let Go, and Let God!

Have you ever sat at your computer and you play a song, and you just become paralyzed and your mind takes you away from the present? You travel away, you achieve clarity, and feelings you have not felt in years surface, and you never realized they were there, stored away in a box in your mind/heart marked to forget…

I listened to a lot of Goo Goo Dolls as a teenager, Black Balloon, Iris, all their songs hold memories for me, trigger something if you will…

I listened to a lot of music growing up…it was and sometimes still is my coping mechanism…

How pathetic I must of looked to an outsider looking in, a girl sitting in front of her stereo being taken away in her mind, and at times singing along, dreaming of a life she thought at the time she could never have…

I spent a lot of time doing that, trying to escape, even if just in my mind, I spent a lot of time thinking…I still think a lot, but never to escape, to reflect at times yes, but I do not need to escape anything now…

I am achieving a lot of clarity lately, God has been awesome with laying out simplicity, and laying out what I need to see and what needs to be done.

“because tonight is the night the world begins again…”

Better Days Indeed...

I'm all out of......

Tonight was talking to my good friend in Winkler, Winky I call her!

And we found ourselves talking about the group 'Air Supply'...

When I was about 6 or 7 my Mom was big into dieting etc and would work out to Air Supply, the record not disc LOL!!!

I am getting old...

Anyway I would listen to this, cranked, 'cause that is how she liked it, and would color, or just lay on the floor staring at the ceiling, dreaming...

My Favorite song was 'All out of Love'...

I would just dream of a different life, dream of somewhere else?....perhaps...

The Song is Self-Explanatory!

Was the Song Almost Doesn't Count By Brandy.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…

Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God